I had lost my wife. She wanted a divorce. The pain I felt was as if my heart was being strangled. I tried everything to win her back, desperately trying to become a new man, wooing her with actions I had long neglected. But in the midst of my anguish, God showed me a painful truth: my marriage wasn’t the only thing I had lost. Sin had consumed my life, and my marriage was collateral damage. I had abandoned my relationship with God, and this left everything else in ruins. As time slowed and I lived in regret, God drew me back to Him, and in the process, He revealed the path to healing. I’m Kelly, and this is my story…
Chapter One: The Failure
Just weeks before my wife’s decision to walk out of my life forever, I was telling others I had a near-perfect marriage. Man, was I wrong! The reality was, I was caught in the trap of p*rnography, a sin that I had allowed to creep into my life. My wife, always kind, gentle, and smiling, had been quietly enduring it. But then, without warning, she became severely depressed. She began to withdraw, and I had no idea why.
Was my solution to fall on my knees and pray? Sadly, no. I had become a “Sunday Christian,” attending church, but my relationship with the Lord was casual, at best. I had grown comfortable in my sin and ignored multiple calls from God’s to repentance. Only now, as I watched my wife retreat from me, did I realize the gravity of my sin and neglect.
She confronted me, and informed me that my sin had caused a pain and anguish that broke her, which translated to my relationship with God. As Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” My selfishness and sin had brought chaos into my home, just as James 3:16 warns, “For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” My pride had blinded me, and my sin had taken root and destroyed everything around me.
Chapter Two: My Efforts
In desperation, I began to plead with my wife, reminding her of the covenant we made to each other before God. But her response was harsh and painful: she felt I had broken the covenant with my lustful mind and my lack of spiritual leadership. She saw my efforts as empty, and she refused to forgive me. The more I tried, the further she pulled away.
In the midst of my struggle, I had a moment of clarity. I could easily walk away from the marriage and live a life with another woman, but I knew deep down that this wouldn’t make me a better father or husband. And most importantly, it would dishonor Christ in me. My identity was not in the fantasy world I had imagined, but in Christ, and it was in Him I needed to find healing.
Chapter Three: The Consequences
The more I tried to win her back, the more distant she seemed. Every time I showed her love, it felt like I was pushing her away. We were separated, but we worked together in the same department, and it was excruciating. I knew she was pursuing other relationships outside of our marriage, and it broke me. Still, I stayed in contact with her, hoping to show her the changes I had made.
I spent sleepless nights in prayer, pouring out my heart to God. “Lord, I’m doing everything I can. Please help me!” I reminded God of my commitment to my wife and our covenant. Yet, nothing seemed to change. But in my heart, I knew I had to trust that God was working even when I couldn’t see it. As Galatians 6:9 says, “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” I needed to keep my faith alive.
Chapter Four: Discovering and applying God’s Truth
I prayed for God’s forgiveness and resolved that I would never give up on my marriage. I began fasting with my prayer, desperately seeking God’s guidance and strength. I returned to reading the Bible every day, seeking God’s word to heal my brokenness. I found hope in James 4:8, “Come near to God and he will come near to you.” And 1 John 1:9 assured me that, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Even in the midst of my suffering, I began to experience a deeper relationship with God. As time slowed down, I spent more time in prayer and God’s word than I ever had before. I asked God to forgive me for my sin, and He began to reveal the path to restoration. God showed me an image I call The Marriage Triangle: with Christ and His will at the pinnacle, myself at one side, with my wife on the other side. The imagery was clear. The drift in my relationship with my wife should have been an indication that I was moving away from Christ. And greater distance, ultimately causes separation, and divorce. However, the reverse was equally true. As I drew closer to God (moving up the triangle), my relationship with my wife began to heal—even though I couldn’t see it at the time. The closer I drew to Him, the more faith I had for the healing of my marriage!
It became clear that my healing, and the healing of my marriage, began with me seeking God, and his righteousness. Matthew 6:33 reminded me, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” My focus had to shift from ‘me’ trying to fix my marriage, to seeking God first. In doing so, my marriage realign with His will.
Note: When you’ve had a moral failure so hard that you wreck you life, and most often, the lives of others (like me), it may take some time after true repentance for God’s grace and mercy to sooth the guilt and shame. For months I felt like I was going through penance. But that was the enemy taking advantage of my lack of faith (John 10:10). That’s where diligent prayer, fasting, worship, and consuming God’s word becomes paramount!
In my pursuit of God (moving up the marriage triangle), I discovered that while at work, concentrating on daily tasks, I could still pray throughout the day. Yes, I could think about work, and pray at the same time! And when I wasn’t working, I would read the Bible for hours at a time. Romans 10:17 says, “faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” I NEEDED MY FAITH TO INCREASE. For nearly a year, my time was focused on fasting, prayer, God’s word, and worship music.
Seeking God revealed a few other truths that, through faith, I began to take hold of. The reason why a three cord strand is not easily broken, from Ecclesiastes 4:12, is because Christ is one of the strands. In marriage, as it says in Matthew 19:5, “the two become one flesh,” making up the other two strands. So, one spouse can stand in prayer for both, even when one spouse isn’t in agreement. God saw my prayers as if the two of us were praying!
I also refused to say anything negative about my spouse or my marriage. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” So, I would only speak faith into my marriage. When my wife reminded my that she wanted a divorce, I would politely reply that God would heal our marriage.
Grasping these biblical truths were part of renewing of my mind. Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” I had to allow God to transform my thinking and actions, aligning them with His purpose for my marriage and family.
As I spent more time with God, I learned to trust Him more. Proverbs 3:5-6 became a lifeline: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” I realized that I couldn’t rely on my own understanding or efforts, but I had to trust in God’s perfect timing for my life.
Chapter Five: The Victory
As I continued to seek God with all of my heart, I realized my faith was growing. I began to trust in God’s timing (not mine), even though it felt like nothing was happening. I learned to be patient and wait for His will to unfold (living in the past tense of a future event). Although I couldn’t see it, my wife was on her own journey toward God, and as she drew nearer to Him, God was orchestrating was our reconciliation, a reconciliation which happened in a very quickly, and expectantly. But I’ll save that for another time.
We renewed our vows to each other and to God. Our marriage was healed, and our love for each other grew deeper than ever before.
God’s timing was perfect. I learned that healing takes time and that Philippians 4:6-7 is true: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” The peace of God that I had prayed for began to flood my heart as I trusted His process for healing.
As we moved forward, we both recognized the importance of forgiveness. Ephesians 4:32 reminds us, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Forgiveness became the key to our healing and reconciliation. Through it, our marriage was restored. That was 15 years ago.
Celebrating 40 years with my wife, our marriage is stronger than ever before. It is a reflection of God’s love and faithfulness. We have learned that 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is not just a description of love; it is a guide for how we are called to love one another. Love is patient, kind, and enduring. We now journey together, growing stronger in our faith and in our love for each other. This is my story, His glory.
Would you like to see how we celebrated our 40th Wedding Anniversary? Check out the video below.
